I use to believe that fairy tales and dreams were just that; dreams. Imagination. Something that never happens in "real life." Now I have you. You are my fairy tale. You are my dream. 

You are my happily ever after. 

I feel like a plucked flower. Dying. One petal at a time. 

I'm so envious of the people who have their life together or appear to. The ones getting married, having babies, working at jobs they love. I'm envious because I don't know if they will ever happen for me. 

Thinking about my future hurts. What will I do? Where will I live? Will I get married? Will I be happy?

Sadness is my normalacy. Being sad is when I feel like I am truly myself. Being happy or trying to be happy is exhausting. 

Depression is the cozy blanket that I nessle up to. Even though it feels like home. I'm cold. 

One day I hope. I pray. That I'm loved immensely. One day. One day. 

I need help. 

Sometimes I wish God would kill me so that I could avoid making life decisions. 

I only want one thing for Christmas. It doesn't cost a thing. But I don't know what I would do if I ever really got it...

I feel like I'm the best person I've ever been yet I feel like the worst. How does that even make sense? 

I feel like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. Not knowing whether the real world or Wonderland is where I belong. 

#feelingsometypeofway

Here's to something I said would be nothing...

I don't like who I am. 

I want to but I don't. 

I don't like my body. 

I don't like that I feel like I don't have a future. 

I don't like that I feel like I have to settle. 

I deserve better. 

When you feel like damaged goods it's hard to feel differently. When people treat you like damaged goods then there's no hope. 

HOME

I feel like the "it" I'm in right now is a lot like a firework. Hot, exciting, and beautiful. But ultimately ends in disaster and dwindles down to absolutely nothing but ash. 

Giants

Loneliness/depression is a greater giant than Goliath and I can't find my stones. 

Depression.

That feeling creeps up like a sneeze or a hiccup. You'll just be going throughout your day and BAM! there it is. Throwing you off your game. How do you escape that? Hope seems to wither. The dark cloud covers me like a blanket. One that is damp and heavy but oddly enough I find comfort in it. Because it is the only feeling that I've always known. It's always been there. Waiting and watching. Ready to pounce at any chance. I've said and told and pleaded that I'm not alright. But no one believes it. No one thinks it could be real. But it's the real-est thing I know. 

Has anyone ever felt a deep, dark hole in your chest. One that feels like it is continuously sinking. I hear that's what you call a heart. 

I just need someone, anyone to notice. To care. Anyone. 

Crushed

My spirit has been crushed and I don't even know where to start putting it back together.