I'm so envious of the people who have their life together or appear to. The ones getting married, having babies, working at jobs they love. I'm envious because I don't know if they will ever happen for me. 

Thinking about my future hurts. What will I do? Where will I live? Will I get married? Will I be happy?

Sadness is my normalacy. Being sad is when I feel like I am truly myself. Being happy or trying to be happy is exhausting. 

Depression is the cozy blanket that I nessle up to. Even though it feels like home. I'm cold. 

One day I hope. I pray. That I'm loved immensely. One day. One day. 

I need help. 

Sometimes I wish God would kill me so that I could avoid making life decisions. 

I only want one thing for Christmas. It doesn't cost a thing. But I don't know what I would do if I ever really got it...