Hard

Being a Christian and dating is hard. Sometimes just being a Christian is hard. While I know I believe with my full heart, it's hard bringing that into my personal life. This is because every thought and thing I do I feel guilty for. I need help. I need guidance. I need something because the person I thought I was is slipping quickly through my fingers. 

Big Brother

And no I don't mean the government. I mean when my close gal pals start dating these guys who are douche bags. Sometimes I'm like, "Yeah, they're like my big brother." Because they usually treat me awful and it's the only way I can deal. Some I say that to because I feel like I'm losing my gal pal and it's my attempt to keep everyone close. Ugh, brother. 

Wasted

My life has been nothing but wasted opportunities. I hate the fact that God had a bigger plan and I effed it all up...

Love is in the Air

I've worked about 5 weddings now if not more and I just think about how wonderful it would be to fall and be in love again. 

You Hold Me Now

Last night I attended a worship service called Sanctuary, this worship service is put on by Lipscomb students. While I was there I had a heavy burden on my heart. Then the song "You Hold Me Now" by Hillsong United was played. When the song entered the chorus an overwhelming feeling came over me.

No weeping

No hurt or pain

No suffering

You hold me now, You hold me now

I believe that the generation that I can proudly say I am part of is screaming the from the bottom of our broken hearts. We are a generation of broken families, broken hearts, and broken spirits. What we know is abandonment and abuse. We are crying out for love because we are lacking love from others, for others, and for ourselves.

Many people look at us as a whole and believe that we are too emotional and that we only relate to God when it's the music time of the service because it pulls at our heart strings. I beg to differ, being part of the generation and not just one studying us how we think. We are emotionally inept. We don't understand how to work out our emotions properly. We have come to learn to subdue how we feel, whether that be covered with substances or depression. We are begging to be held.

Maybe I'm the only one who thinks this, but as a person who is a young adult and have worked with teenagers for the past few years I don't think I am. I have seen why the tough guys put on a front, it's because that's all they know. I've seen the girl that has been hurt so many times give up or give in.

People wonder why we like the music portion of the worship service. It's because during that time we are for atleast a little while able to scream out and tell God how we feel, whether it be praise or pain we are able to yell at the top of our lungs to our Creator. Very reminiscent to Job cries to God. [ and yes I do understand that we are not blameless as Job was but I do know that we don't understand a lot that goes on in our lives ] Why did he leave? Why did she hurt me? Why do I feel this way? We are waiting for the moments that we can feel at peace with those questions.

I believe that people my age focus on God's steadfast love because we have no idea what that looks like. Who can or will love us through our mistakes? Because I guarantee we're going to make a lot of them. We are a culture that desires perfection. We are not perfect, only He is. He will loves us after we fail. He will hold us when we are broken. His steadfast love can take it. There are so many of us who are just like the children of Israel, trying to find something or anything besides God to hold them through the weeping and pain. But none of it will do. They will all leave us empty. Only in the arms of God are the only thing that can be our true refuge.

We are a generation that is love starved. We are in desperate need of a loving Father. That's why we raise our hands while we cry out in song. We are wanting Him to pick us up and hold us through our flaws and love us despite our imperfections. We just want to be held.

We already know that we are not perfect. Culture reminds us of that everyday. We're not "good/pretty/funny/smart" enough according to the world's standard. Even the most beautiful, most intelligent, "best" person still feels inadequate. That's because this world does not look at the heart, it only looks surface deep, but the Father looks at the heart and desires to mend all of its tears and cleanse every dirty spot.

I know that I'm probably off my rocker about this but I feel very passionate about the brokenhearted. I know that there is a Father that wants to take that pain away. [ Also yes I understand He is Holy, Sovereign, and Righteous but I just needed to take this moment and focus on His Love ] He loves us when we are unlovable and holds us when we are in pain.

Here's the song that inspired this ramble. Give it a listen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LX12vnPX60s

Hello Men Out There...This is for YOU!!

So this is a rant.

Please let me repeat...THIS IS A RANT. A rant against every boy/man/creep that has ever done me wrong or at least said something stupid. Ladies I hope you find empowerment by this and fellas I hope you learn from these big dummies mistakes and not to do the same to a sad love sick puppy like my self.

Now I will not mention names for I am too classy for that but the details I reveal will of course allow the guilty party know that they are them. (If of course they ever bother to read this...but I won't hold my breath.)

Ok apparently I have dated a lot of SPIRITUAL GODLY GOD GIVEN MEN. Becuase I have heard every excuse that God possibly could be blamed for.

DON'T BLAME GOD FOR THINGS THAT HE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH!

"Georgia...I'm just not spiritually ready for this relationship."

- Oh really because you must have been spiritually set when you thought we could just make out at that Drive In the night before I left, or when you talked about the names of our children. Wow...how a FRIGGIN' WEEK can change things. If your going to say you're not "SPIRITUALLY READY" maybe you should think about that before you try to make out with me every chance you got ok? Thanks. Hope all is well in Texas. Hope you have some beautiful blonde BARBIE that you're being SPIRITUAL with.

"Georgia you have a big heart for people. You make me want to be a better person."
(3 months later) "Georgia you are selfish, prideful and not spiritually edifying"

- Dear preacher man, this statement has CONTROLLED my life for the past year and a half. I believed that crap you told me for the longest. I wanted to commit suicide and I started counseling. The counseling helped but the damage was deep because you knew every inch of me...literally. (NO READERS WE DID NOT HAVE SEX...because I wouldn't let it) Oh preacher man you wanna disagree...well how about those nights that I was crying to you saying I didn't want to make out anymore because I was afraid it would go to far but no you pushed and pushed the boundaries. Now don't get me wrong I've forgiven you and put a nail in that coffin but for the sake of this beautiful blog your example was necessary. Oh and just because you delete me from Facebook and pretend I don't exist doesn't mean I'm not here. I wanna thank you for those words that almost destroyed me because they made me come back stronger and better than ever. The Lord used what you meant for evil and made something beautiful from it.

Healing, Hope or Hurt?

So recently I have encountered several people who have expressed to me that they have been wounded by the church. To hear this kind of sounds like an oxymoron. The church is a place where a person should find healing, hope, help...not hurt?

I have recently been burdened with the thoughts of why is this a common consensus among teenagers and young adults. Is it because they were raised in a much to strict "Christian" home and so now is their time to rebel? Is it because at church these "Christians" judged them and isolated them and so there was never a connection or comfort found there? Maybe they have always been unbelievers and instead of being inviting and loving them past that they were hateful and excluded them? I do not know what the answer is for everyone but I am just so sick of this. I am sick of the excuses. I am sick of these "Christians". I am just sick of it all! I am sick of being at church and instead of worshipping I see teens who were forced to be at church and instead of enjoying the opportunity to stand in awe of their creator and praise Him, they would rather text some boy who will not be around in a few years or think about what is for dinner or what am I going to do when service is over. What is this people? Please understand I am guilty of all of these things. That is why I am enraged. I am mad at myself for cheapening something so precious. Being a member of the body of Christ has called us to something much greater than Facebook updates or Taco Bell after service. We are the "chosen generation". Think about that. The CHOSEN GENERATION! The Creator of all things...every freckle on your face, every fish in the sea, every star in the sky...He chose us to live in this time period for a reason!!! I remember talking to my mom and grandma and thinking that, "Man, I wish life was that easy now." But that's it...they were chosen to live then and I've been chosen to live now. When being a Christian is NOT easy, when the church is constantly being ridiculed, when families have been ripped apart by so many elements of this secular. I (and you) have been chosen to live in this time for a reason! That reason? To be a light for Christ in this cold and dark world. Depression is high, economy is low...who will show love in this era? YOU!!! It is such a HUGE calling but God has blessed us with this opportunity to do something with it! Be different! Be the change.

I am sick of kids who have been brought up in the church their whole lives and when they enter high school they are still wanting to be fed by the church. They are still consumers instead of giving back. (Again, let me remind you...I AM TOTALLY GUILTY OF THIS.) We have been given the tools as kids and in high school, college, you first job work place is the best mission field we could ask for at this time. So we cannot just go with the flow. We cannot just fly under the radar. We are called to be different! To be bigger and better than the norm!

Ultimately, I am ready for the bride of Christ to fall back in love. I want there to be a revolution of teenagers, young adults, old adults to fall DEEPLY, MADLY in love with Jesus. I have been to so many different worship services in so many different churches and I see everyone go through the motions. They read the words on the screen but they do not let it effect their heart. They just sing them then sit. Well lets put you at your favorite concert or favorite sports team game. I bet you are jumping, dancing, raising your hands, yelling, anything to show that you are such a fan! I have seen so many teenagers (that I know dance) stand half asleep during worship songs at church. And do not think I am saying we need to have a rave in the middle of church but I am saying that if your heart is not in it. Do not sing the words. In songs like Indescribable the lyric, "You know the depths of my heart but You love me the same," and in How He Loves Us, the words in these worship songs and hymnals are way to powerful to sing without complete and utter conviction! This is to important guys! And trust me I know and relate with those of you who say "we sing them all the time". I mean I sing the Doxology every single day of my life but recently I got to see a group of people who never sing it, lift that praise up to God and it kicked me in the face! I am so glad it did too!

I just think that people would stop being "hurt" by the church if we, THE CHURCH, would fall back in love with our Kinsman Redeemer. We worship, serve, live for a God who loved us so much, how can we not pass it on. WAKE UP CHURCH! People out there are living life without knowing, feeling, understanding the love of God and we have been called to show them! Yea, we really have! Because to whom much is given much is required! WAKE UP! This is tooo important to just let it pass by. We have a Savior who loves us past all our crap that we try to hide from the world. You know the dark and dirty stuff you do not want anyone to see, ESPECIALLY God. (Well tough luck, HE ALREADY KNOWS and HE loves us anyways) Is that not crazy to think of how our Lord, who is perfect, sinless, holy, sovereign, righteous loves us so much He sent His only Son to DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH, A PAINFUL, A BLOODY, A HUMILIATING DEATH for us even though He hates sin and He knew we would do it anyways. He knew that there would be days that we would stray and not love Him. HE DID IT ANYWAYS! CHURCH WAKE UP! GEORGIA WAKE UP!!!! Let go of those guards, shields, walls, masks that you are hiding behind because the truth is we are ALL filthy rags without the GRACE AND MERCY OF GOD! We deserve HELL BUT HE GAVE US HEAVEN!!!! Let's live it out guys! Let's praise Him! Let's be the bride He is waiting to receive! Ah...HIS WOUNDS HAVE PAID OUR RANSOM! Let's go tell some people that! Let's be fanatic about God! Let's love Him and give Him the time we give FACEBOOK, TV, MOVIES, SPORTS, TEXTING! Let's give it all to Him! Give Him your HURT, SHAME, GUILT, DIRTY DEEP SIN! Let Him take it away. Because we do not have time to maintain this regret when we think about HOW HE LOVES US! Stop condemning, Start loving. Because that person you cannot stand, that you think is so far gone. GOD LOVES THEM JUST AS MUCH AS HE LOVES YOU!!! You are no better (and no worse). So stop comparing yourself to others and start comparing yourself to God!!!! That's the only thing we can compare ourselves to. He made no junk! He made you, so stop thinking your junk, stop thinking someone else is junk! Because we all come from the same mold. We are all made out of His image. So let's start reflecting it adequately. I know we can do it!

This rant has gone on too long, but I had an awakening last night. I knew all my flaws. More than anything I want them gone out of my life and I hope maybe my flaws can encourage you guys to let go of yours! God is good. God is love. Love one another as He has loved us!