God's Chisel

God's Chisel. Wow. Truth slapped me in the face.

The Who

So this past summer I did a little self-evaluation. Through this I found who I am, who I want to be, and who I want to be with one day.

This is who I am. I am a woman who is earnestly seeking the heart of God. I truly want to be a girl that for a guy to seek my heart, he must first seek Christ's. I know I have flaws, but I want to constantly improve on my imperfections. I want someone that loves me for who I am yet encourages me to be the best woman I can be. I want my heart to be the center of my beauty. I want to be a vessel that is broken so that Christ can be seen through me. I want to be an encourager to all of those around me.

To go with what I want to do and be I also want this for myself. I want a strong spiritual leader. I was a man, who believes that I am his and while I am submissive to him I am still an intellect equal. I want someone who challenges my thinking. I want to talk about weighty matters, philosophy, theology, emotions and why they are so. I want to be the only person that the person notices when I enter the room. I want them to find me beautiful and desire to seek my heart everyday. I want to be treated like a princess, at the same time I want to grow into a lady deserving of being treated so.

I want my relationship to completely be focused on the happiness on my partners happiness, in turn I want them to be completely focused on mine as well. With this I don't see how either of us could be unhappy. I believe in 1 Corinthians 13 when it says that "love is not self seeking." I believe that love is a team effort. Each party must be willing to put equal amounts of effort into the relationship. Before I have taken this for granted. Love is selfless, a person must be completely willing to put the other before their self. This is love, a sacrificial love.

I want a man who is a leader. Whether is be of a congregation, class room, youth group...Just a man that is willing to lead and serve. As I have a passion to lead and serve I think that the man I am to be with might have the same passion. This leader must be a compassionate one, a heart that is more than willing to love others. This is an important aspect in a good leader and man. I guess a Christ like leader. I want me and whoever I am with to strive together to build each other up in being better Christians. I want to be my partners accountability partner with their devotions and everything they he may struggle with. I want to be his encourager in every way possible. Whether it be as a ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, or just a heart to love. This is what I want to be for them. However, I do want the same for me as well. All in all I assume I want a strong Christ like heart in a man.

This may sound like a advertisement for myself. It's not. I've come to grips that God may have called me to not just limit all my love to one man and just expand it to children all over the world. Which both are wonderful journeys that I'm more than excited to take. I just believe that love is something God has given me to share and I want to do so to the fullest.

I guess I write this because lately most guys I have met that are interested in me don't truly understand what they are getting in to. There's so much for a person, even as a loyal friend, need to know about me. Even the one's that assume that they know me the best don't completely know me. I'm saving that for the one I can completely trust. Whether or not they even come through my lifetime. However, it's saved away. These are just some of the basics of what I believe I deserve and also what my partner deserves.

I feel like there's more that I could expound upon, however I would have to assume you would care to know. If you do ask. If you don't I understand. Thanks for reading my thoughts either way.

My Fairytale

Princess CuppyCake and the Beautiful Jeweled Gown

Once upon a time there lived a princess named Princess CuppyCake. This princess grew up in a very small village. Nothing spectacular ever happened in this place, just everyone’s day-to-day norm. One day CuppyCake was tired of the doldrums and decided that she would finally wear the gown that she had been working on for years. This gown was truly extraordinary. It had ever color jewel found in the rainbow. As Princess CuppyCake entered the town people stopped and awed as they saw the gown glitter on by.

No one ever really knew much about Princess CuppyCake. They just liked to stare at her gown. CuppyCake had lots of “friends” because everyone wanted to be close to the gown. One day a boy finally spoke to Princess CuppyCake, she had never had a boy actually talk to her; well actually, no one ever really talked to her besides to comment on her dress. This boy actually talked to her though, he never even mentioned her dress. She didn’t really know how to take all of this in. She truly enjoyed laughing, conversing, and knowing someone actually cared about her, not her dress. She had never experienced this kind of happiness before. Time went by and they became best friends. Princess CuppyCake knew more about this boy than she even knew about herself. Until one day when the boy started to take the princess’s jewels. One by one he took them and then after he had enough he left.

Sadly though, where he took the jewels you could see that CuppyCake’s beautiful gown wasn’t a gown at all. Princess CuppyCake had just sown on these lovely jewels over just some rags. See Princess CuppyCake wasn’t a princess at all. Princess CuppyCake was nothing more than a peasant girl. She had collected the jewels as they fell off other things and as time went by she started sowing them onto her dress made out of filthy sack cloth so that maybe she could make everyone else believe she was more than a peasant girl. Her trick had gone on for years without a hitch, except now the rags were starting to show through.

At first the missing jewels weren’t too noticeable. She still had plenty of other jewel to cover the spots that where bare. It did make Princess CuppyCake feel like she was now missing something. Not only did she loose some of her favorite jewels, she had lost the person that she thought knew her best. Now others started to see the holes bit by bit, and in their minds they wanted to have some jewels to themselves. So certain people would try to take CuppyCake’s jewels one by one. CuppyCake began to feel very scared that everyone would start to see her rags so she started to paste on fake jewels to fill in the holes. She knew she could no longer stay in the small village, so late one night she fled for the kingdom far, far away.

When she arrived Princess CuppyCake didn’t stand out like she use to but no one knew about her rags here. So as people started to notice her and her jewels a prince came along. He was tall, dark, handsome and charming. The prince saw her for her beauty and then began to love her for her heart. CuppyCake loved the prince’s company very much but she would also remember back to the boy from the village that she had trusted before and then he betrayed her. So as much as she enjoyed the prince she wasn’t able to let down her defensive barricades around her, her dress, and her heart.

Time went one and the prince consistently pursued the princess and showed her what true love should be. However, she was still scarred. She started to let him get close to her but kept her distance so that he couldn’t see the rags underneath. Then one day she ran away. No one knew where she went. Princess CuppyCake had ran into streets of the kingdom with a heavy jacket over her gown so that no one would look at her, but the one person could see the jewels from under the coat and stopped her. This stranger had a quick wit and charm, which made the nervous princess be put as ease, but right as she started to sit with the stranger he grabbed a handful of jewels and fleeted to give them to his love.

The princess was heart broken once again because one, she didn’t have anymore fake jewels to fill in the holes and her rags were gleaming through. She came back to the prince and he didn’t think he could trust her since she had just vanished without explanation. He also started to see her rags through her dress and figured she was trying to hide something. He never felt the same way about her again.

Shortly after this, he started taking her jewels. At first it was one by one, then hand full’s by hand full’s. He knew she was hiding something and wanted to find out what it was. One day when the princess decided that she loved the prince and wanted to spend every last moment with him, the princess took off every last jewel that CuppyCake had left. Then there she laid a peasant girl through and through. There she lay with everything she thought was special about her gone. Then the prince saw her exactly for what she was, a pile of filthy rags. He asked himself, “How could I ever love a fake princess, a pile of rags?” And that’s how he left her, broken on the floor. Her heart was still attached to the prince and her dress that was no more. She no longer had something that she was able to hide behind. She felt as if she had nothing that made her special. Princess CuppyCake finally came to terms with the peasant she truly was and now everyone could see that. The secret she tried so hard to hide for years finally became common knowledge to everyone in the village and in the kingdom: She was a fake.

As Princess CuppyCake tried to pick up the pieces of what she knew she had left, she decided to try to make the rags that she had as beautiful as she could. She patched the hole and cleaned the spots, but every time she tried to reach out to others all the people could see was that she was a peasant who had lied about who she was. The wonderful princess that they once thought they knew was no more, she was a lie. She tried so hard to still be that wonderful person that everyone thought she was, but no one would give her a chance. Especially the prince, he couldn’t even bear to look at her. He had already found another princess, a real princess, that was more beautiful, had more wit and was much more intelligent than Princess CuppyCake could ever try to be. All of the other people in the kingdom agreed that this new princess was much better than CuppyCake.

Sad, beaten down and broken CuppyCake left the village and the kingdom. She set out on a journey that she had tried to start so many times before. CuppyCake was on a search to find someone who could love her, rags and all, but even more CuppyCake was trying to learn to love herself without the beautiful jewel gown.

Opportunity Without Passion vs. Passion Without Opportunity

One thing that I have found to be one of the most unfair things I've come in counter with is knowing that some people have the greatest opportunity without have the least bit of passion. The main point I'm going with this is men who have the opportunity to do youth ministry but have the least bit of passion for it. They view being a youth minister as a job and a pay check instead of seeing it as one of the greatest opportunities on the face of the planet.

It just frustrates me so much because as a woman in my denomination I will never have the opportunity to be a youth pastor. My dreams and my passions lay in the hands of a man. Every single time I try to express my desire for youth ministry, everyone says well maybe you'll marry a youth pastor. While that would be wonderful if that's what God has in store for me but the way it is presented is that I'm not complete, that I cannot do youth ministry unless I have a man to go under. Like if I where to marry a man without that passion (which I don't think will happen) I would have to use him to get into youth ministry. Like when women use to write books but would have to go under a man's name to get published.

While I know I can still be a youth worker, Sunday school teacher and everything else of equal importance really, but it just truly gets under my skin when I see a youth group dwindle and not grow because the youth pastor's heart isn't in it. It breaks my heart and brings me to tears. I just can't believe that people don't see how precious the responsibility of being a youth pastor is. That's when people need Christ the most because high school is the most dangerous battlefield out there for young Christians. I mean why can't there be a team youth pastor because not every youth pastor's wife wants to be in youth ministry. Well if the wife of the youth pastor doesn't want to help who do the girls go to? I might be crazy but I never felt like I could just prance up to my youth pastor and talk to him about my girl problems. Why can't a lady be put in place for that sole purpose.

I could go on and on but I think that's a good place to stop...at least for now.

PRIDE

So I wrote this exactly two years ago and while on my MySpace (I know I'm such a dork) I ran across it and thought that it was pretty decent subject matter so I thought I would share it with the masses. Not that my writing is anything special just find the subject super and I see that it fits perfect into my life two years later.

Cassie Bernall was a 17 year old girl who attended Columbine High School. On April 20, 1999 she went to school and walked into the library just like a normal day. She did not know walking in that she would soon become one of the biggest Christian teen heroes of our time. While she was sitting in the library two of her classmates came it with guns, looking to destroy anyone that crossed their paths.

"Do you believe in God?" Cassie answered without hesitation; "Yes." With that small word her life was put to a sudden end.

See what Cassie done that day took so much courage. I can say I hope I would be able to do the same thing, but I have to admit I do believe I might have hesitated. Would you?

Since this day some people say that they would have said "Yes" without a ounce of hesitation. If you are one of these people I applaud you. If you are that strong, I admire you. But ask yourself this; Why is it easy to die for Christ than to live for Him? Most of you people that say you would die for Jesus, do you really live for him?

"Serving means learning to find your life by giving it away." Those are words from the author of "Being a Girl Who Serves" Shannon Kubiak Primicerio." But see by this she didn't mean that it will always have to be a martyr's death like Cassie's. It sometimes only means to care for someone more than yourself.

Living for God, means serving others, and as all geniune servants know at some point or another, serving God and serving others will cost you in some way.

This brings me to my main point, why is it so hard for us to live for God and to serve others. Hmmm...I honestly think that it is our selfish pride. Note I said our, I'm writing this for me. Pride is just another word for devil, just spelled differently. Both 5 letters and both keep us from doing God's will. How many times has pride kept you from talking to someone out of your social circle? How many times has it kept you from inviting someone to church or telling them about Christ? How many times has it kept you from being who you really are in front of your so called "friends?" Hmmm...do any of these questions hit home?

Maybe I'm wrong and no one reading this let's pride/ the devil keep them from reaching out to others, but then again I did say this for me no one else. I'm just hoping that it does help someone out there. I hope it helps someone realize how silly our pride is, and how we should really put it aside and start serving, start loving, and start living for God. You know your pride as a Christian may be the one thing standing between you and witnessing to a lost friend. Do you really want that to be the deciding factor in where that friend lives for eternity? No? Well then don't let it!

Cassie Bernall will always be a hero for dying for Christ, but who else out there will be a hero for living for Him? Thank you all for reading this. I hope it helps just one other person, because writing it sure has helped me.

God bless...you know He is waiting on you to start living now?

My Formal Apology...Take 2.

So I've written an apology on a blog before but it was directed to one person. I finished this book the other day and it made me start to think of all the people that I want to say I'm sorry too. All the people I've wronged or let down and all the ones that I want to ask for forgiveness.

I believe that sorry has lost it's meaning over the past few years or at least it has with me. People say they are sorry when they flub up but never really seek forgiveness. They are willing to put a band-aid on someone's wound they've cause but not really one to follow up and make sure it's healed so right now I'm going to ask for forgiveness and see if the people will allow me to follow up to make sure that it's better. (P.s. No names will be mentioned just situations and hopefully people can figure it out for themselves.)


First off I want to apologize to the main person that I ask forgiveness from everyday. I fail You in so many ways every single day. Even when I set my mind to become better I still fail. I want to make You proud but I'm a worthless, dirty rag. I want to do everything in my power to allow Your love to shine through me but still I know some of my cracks just show me how empty I really am. Only You can fix them and I know I don't deserve Your love but I'm so thankful that You are long suffering and You forgive me when I'm unforgivable, love me when I'm unlovable and take me back when I'm despicable. I love You.

Next to the two people that have been there from the beginning. You've shown me nothing but love every moment of my life. I never deserved two people like you in my life. You've given me your all and most of the time I took it for granted. You trust me when maybe sometimes you shouldn't have. I've lied and I hate myself everyday for that. I made you disappointed in me. The phrase I hope never to hear for you both ever again in my life. I only pray to be half the person you two are and I want to live up to be the person you've raised me to be. I love you both so much.

To the one I gave so much of my life to. I gave you 3 years of my life but I wasn't who I should have been. I'm sorry in giving up on you. I'm sorry for not saving you. I'm sorry for not being there for you when you needed me the most. Now you have a new life that I will never be a part of, but for someone that I spent a chunk of my life with I'm sorry for not being there more. I thought it would be hard if I tried to be there for you with you out on the coast, but I should have encouraged you. I should have kept contact, so that you wouldn't be settling with this mediocre life that you have now. I've always cared about people when they're alone but I'm sorry for not doing that for you. I'm just sorry for not being the person I am now when you needed me then. I love you.

Next to the Fab 5 I could have had a bigger impact on. We grew up together. Kindergarten all the way to our Senior year. We promised to be Best Friends Forever but that fell to the wayside. I'm sorry that I made you feel like I was too good for you guys, I just didn't agree with what you were doing and didn't want to have any part in it. But I'm not apologizing for that; I'm apologizing for letting you think what you were doing was ok. Maybe not for me but for you. It wasn't ok with what you were doing and what you keep doing today. Now you see all 5 of you are still friends and we never talk but I love you all 5. Even after you guys ditched me. I'm just sorry for not fighting for you guys. Because you're better than that...you're better than this. I know deep down you don't want this but you continue, I wasn't the friend then you guys needed and I'm sorry. I love you. I'm sending this to only one because she's my biggest lost. I miss having you as my best friend. I miss being there for you and I hate that you gave up on me. I want you to know that I'll always be here for you no matter what. I want you to know that. I love you so much.

To my best friend. I'm sorry for putting so much pressure on you. I expected you to fill the void the Fab 5 left. I wanted you to be that person I could care for and could always care for me. Then he came, who I also want to say sorry to, and it messed everything up. We're not as close as we were because I set you on a pedastole and you let me down. It's ok. You're only human. I shouldn't expect you to uphold everything I needed. It was too much for you and we made each other sick. Why did it have to come to that? You know I still need you. I still love you like my David. I still want to be your Jonathan. I just want us to be like we were and I'm sorry that I mess all that up. I love you more than words can express, you'll never know how much you mean to me.

To my angel. I wanted to be that role model for you. The one you could look up to and want to be like. But I know I've already failed you. This world can be so ugly and mean and I wanted to protect you from it. I wanted to be able to prove to you that you didn't have to be like it. But I failed. I'm so sorry. You mean the world to me and I never wanted to let you down. I know in a few years you're going to come to me with a problem that I might not can fix and I hate that but I want you to know that I'm going to work my hardest from here on out being that example for you Baby Girl don't you worry. I love you.

To the 3 friends that I took for granted. My first year in a new city with new people, you guys could have been my best friends but I was selfish and assumed that my problems were bigger than anything else. I let you guys go to the wayside and before I knew it, it was too late. You guys had become to push me away. I don't blame you. I only wish that you guys could open up your heart and give me another chance. I want to be that friend that I should have been a long time ago. I love you so much!

Now to you. The person I owe the biggest apology to. The one I've tried to say before but you never truly heard. I want to say I'm sorry for alot of the obvious reasons. I'm sorry I helped you lose your faith in people. I'm sorry that I helped you have such a negative outlook on life. I'm sorry I took you for granted and I'm sorry I failed you. The callousness of you heart has a big to do to our situation and I'm so incredibly sorry. You never deserved it. I'm sorry I turned your heart against forgiveness and the lose of second chances. But then I also say I'm sorry that my actions have in some way or form changed your sweet spirit. It's so missed. Please bring it back, not for me but for those that haven't got to experience it yet. It is truly something beautiful and something worth experiencing. I'm sorry that you think my change is just for you but if you can see now I have alot of things I need to make up to alot of people. Your situation is just one of them. I'm sorry for not living up to my potential then but I want to still encourage you, even from afar because I should have then. I'm so sorry. I love you.

Bad Attitudes = Bad News Bears

When someone hurts our feelings or says something off color what's our first reaction? I play hurt of course or atleast that's what remains true with me. I never tell people that they hurt my feelings because I mean come on I'm almost 20 and people shouldn't still be hurting my feelings right?

Well when I (or maybe you) play hurt does it really "give it to them?" You know does that person see how much agony they've placed in your life. Most of the time no they don't. They go on with their marry lives while we sit and wallow in the mess we've made. Other people start to see our nasty attitude and pull away from us making us feel rather lonely, which adds to our crummy mood. See others are willing to care until you start being ridiculous about things. 

I'm not going to lie, it's always better to play the victim. Go for those sympathy votes but in real life the victim is somewhat annoying. This hurt attitude can conflict with your relationship with God and others and that's no good. If somethings coming between you and the person God has meant for you to be, then get rid of that junk! It's not worth holding on too. Grudges are something that are too heavy to hold on to, and the longer you do the farther down it will drag you.

So my advice to myself and all the rest of you who are holding grudges and hurt feelings towards someone: SUCK IT UP CUPCAKE and go confront those people. Not in a hateful way, but in a loving way. Remember show Christ love in all you do, even when you really want to just kick someone in the shin. Explain your feelings and work it out. It's much more helpful when you go to that person, instead of running your mouth to everyone and anyone (bless their hearts) that will listen to you rant. I mean I know I should take my own advice and handle some of my problem the same way and that's why I'm writing this for the world so people can see and maybe hold me accountable of doing so.

Anyways...let go of that negative energy. It's so not worth it. 

Beauty in the Breakdown

"Beauty in the Breakdown," I love this phrase. It has been used for countless songs, poetry and so forth. I feel that it is one of the truest statements ever stated. One of the most beautiful things I've ever seen is the realness in realizing that someone is broken and fragile.

When I was 16 I took part in an organization called Truth and Peace and on the stage of the Free Will Baptist Bible College my friend who was 15 at the time said, "Georgia you have to stop being plastic. You're not a Barbie." See I always have had the tendency of being completely happy inevery situation, even when I was falling apart on the inside. This isn't the way to live life. You might be "making everyone else happy" but you're killing yourself slowly. 

See as a world of sinful people, we are all broken but it's what people sees through the cracks that matters. Without Christ in our lives people see the emptiness we have through the cracks but if the love of Christ is being shown through our pain than even though we are broken we are beautiful. 

I've recently had coffee with the one person that I for years wished that I could be half the Christian that he was but in this one conversation I realized that he had problems just like I did. We were both struggling with the same tempations and have the same battles I was dealing with. So this whole time I would say I know I could be a better Chrisian if only I were like.... I should have asked myself I wonder what this person is struggling with but I still see Christ through them. That's really what I want. I want to be able to be broken but be beautiful. 

I want to use my heartbreak to better understand others. I mean I don't mean to just say that I "understand" like I mentioned in a previous blog but truly be able to relate with others. I may never go through what others have but I've been hurt and others have been hurt. And instead of always pretending that life is just dandy, understand that life is tough but we can all make it through. 

I feel like I'm rambling and I hate that because I'm very passionate about this subject so I'll probally come back to that but just remember to not be afraid of being broken and start showing the beauty instead of the emptiness on the inside. 

Stop Saying You Understand

Today I embarked on a new experience called ETEAM. I've always heard about it but have never been able to participate in it. I've loved every second of it so far. Getting to know different people from different places and different walks of life is something I thrive for. Every kid has a different story and I've caught my self numerous time saying the phrase, "I understand." When really, I have no clue at all!

Tonight especially I came in contact with a situation with a person that I care deeply for. This person is such an example of beauty at it's finest but unfortunately this person has been dealt some very sad cards. She's handled everything with poise and grace but tonight in my effort to comfort her I found myself saying once again, "I understand." ( Inside my head I'm thinking, "What the crap Georgia!?!? You have no idea what this person is going through!")

See I find that in the flaw in many Christians today when we try to comfort others. When a love one dies, someone loses a job, or is just suffering heart break, our initial reaction is to say " I understand" or " I completely know where you're coming from," when we've never ever ever been in that same situation. We use empathy when sympathy might be the more appropriate emotion to show people you care for them and care about what their going through. Instead of trying to imply that you have been through the same life experience you just give a hug, listen, sit there in silence, and maybe even cry with them. This can be alot more effective than saying anything at all. 

I'm not saying you shouldn't share life experiences but keep in mind that that person is hurting, and they just want to vent for the most part. However, in every relationship I've been in I've realized  that the more you invest in others life the more they will invest in yours. That's very very important to remember.

It's More Than Just Crackers and Grape Juice

So this is something that I've had written for a while...

So in my past 18 years of life I have been involved in dozens of communion services. I remember when I was little, I would sit in the pew while the juice tray came around and I would always eye the mini cup that I thought had the most juice in it. Also, with the cracker tray, before it even made it to me I would have already picked out the cracker that wasn’t broken and in my little eyes was perfect. At the time I never really looked for the deep, life changing meaning behind the grape juice and cracker that sat before me. I just saw a mini cup and a cracker that needed a little salt.

            This ceremony that I’ve sat through numerous times, never really took any affect on me until my freshman year at Free Will Baptist Bible College. Actually during the first month there, I went through three communion services. I had a feeling God might be trying to tell me something, but honestly, I didn’t really think too much about it. Until one day, when I looked at this state at the Catholic school I had stated working at and I saw it. I saw the pain on Jesus’ face. I saw his frail, broken body upon the cross. I saw his love for me pour out through his blood. Then it hit me and made me sick. It took me back to the times that I would sit in the pew in Red Bay, Alabama thinking, “Man these crackers are stale,” and “Why cant I have some more juice?” While I could blame it on my selfish childish ignorance (However, I’m still selfish, childish, and ignorant because yes, I’m human), I know that that’s what I’ve always thought.

            See, I’ve never had to go through any pain for anyone else, to say the very least. I’ve never died for anyone else (apparently). So to actually sit and think of the broken body that these stale crackers represented or the precious blood the mini cup of grape juice stood for makes me sick to my stomach. Jesus, the perfect sacrifice, went through so much torture and pain and finally laid down His life for someone as wicked and vile as me. I, myself, couldn’t imagine enduring a paper cut for my friend that would lie to me someday much less endure lashes with a whip of broken glass, stones, and bones, a crown of 2 inch in width thorns, and literally a “jab” to the side for billions of people that would neglect me and break my heart over and over again day after day.

            I’ve always just gone through the motions never really thinking twice about what the ceremony represented. There’s a song that we play during chapel a lot that goes:

“Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom.”

As I sit and reflect on this I think He could have came down off that cross and any time. He could have stopped the beatings in a second flat but He didn’t. It’s like if we were to put our hand into an open fire. It’s burning; pain goes shooting up through your entire body. You could pull your hand out at anytime, but you don’t because you’ve made a promise to those laughing at your pain and the ones that are pushing your hand farther into the flame. Sounds absolutely absurd, but that’s what “love” is. That’s what Jesus did for us, not only the professed Christians but also for the professed atheist. He died for us that claim to love him but also for those who claim to hate him or don’t believe in his existence. He went though one of the most painful was to die. Not to mention all of the humiliation he was put through, and to put on top of that it was a slow death. He suffered hours upon hours for people that would one day reject him.

            So next time when you sit in the pew and the communion tray is passed, don’t think of the stale crackers and the mini cups of juice. Think about the greatest act of love demonstrated for you even while you were a vile, filthy sinner. He suffered it all, for you. 

Trying to fit a square peg into a God shaped hole

So tonight while I was at the everso popular Kairos, I realized what I've been doing wrong for the past 19 years of my life. I'd been trying to fit a square peg into a God shaped hole. 

Now let me elaborate on this a little bit. I've been saved when I was seven during a revival, found my true salvation at the age of 16 during Truth and Peace and now 3 years later I've realized what I've been doing wrong all along. I've had this huge hole that has been the pit fall in my Christian walk. I continue stumbling in it day after day. I try to fill it with helping others, loving others, and even pretending to love myself. When all along I should be loving God and serving Him with all my efforts instead of trying to find a cheap replacement. 

Lately especially this has reigned true. I've been trying to find a companion and not find one at the same time. I've long for that boyfriend and even best friend that I can always depend on and that will always love me even when I'm unlovable. To say the least the person hasn't exsisted. I choose to either push them away or make their flaws huge. Instead of understanding that no one is perfect and no one is patient enough to always put up with my issues. God is the only one who can truly love the unlovable, be completely patient with the needy, and cling to someone even when we try to push away with all we have.

So instead of always running to our cheap imitations run to His word, run to your quite time and run to your prayer closet. This is something that I'm struggling with on the 10th degree. I'm a person who needs instant gratifacation so I tend to try to fit that square peg in this hole until it breaks because I put God as the last resort. Really I just need to stop being ignorant. Wake up and realize that nothing is ever going to fill this void, take away the lonliness and make me happy. Only one person can do that so I need to swallow my pride and fall down on my knees and do what I've should have done months ago. So I challenge all or the few that read this is to throw away all imitations and start using the right peg for this God shaped hole.

Thank you for reading and I wish you all sweet dreams.

Simple Thoughts by a Simple Girl

So these are the thoughts that I've had over the past week, I hope to expand upon them but needs someone's opion on which on to do first:

• My Ordinary Life vs. My Extraordinary Life
• Mail Carriers vs. Christians
• The Most Precious Gift: Your Heart
• Pure "Religion"
• The Son
• The Forgotten Verses to Popular Hymns
• How to Make Up the Body of Christ

Please help me on this quest to enlightened others. Thank you.