Bad Attitudes = Bad News Bears

When someone hurts our feelings or says something off color what's our first reaction? I play hurt of course or atleast that's what remains true with me. I never tell people that they hurt my feelings because I mean come on I'm almost 20 and people shouldn't still be hurting my feelings right?

Well when I (or maybe you) play hurt does it really "give it to them?" You know does that person see how much agony they've placed in your life. Most of the time no they don't. They go on with their marry lives while we sit and wallow in the mess we've made. Other people start to see our nasty attitude and pull away from us making us feel rather lonely, which adds to our crummy mood. See others are willing to care until you start being ridiculous about things. 

I'm not going to lie, it's always better to play the victim. Go for those sympathy votes but in real life the victim is somewhat annoying. This hurt attitude can conflict with your relationship with God and others and that's no good. If somethings coming between you and the person God has meant for you to be, then get rid of that junk! It's not worth holding on too. Grudges are something that are too heavy to hold on to, and the longer you do the farther down it will drag you.

So my advice to myself and all the rest of you who are holding grudges and hurt feelings towards someone: SUCK IT UP CUPCAKE and go confront those people. Not in a hateful way, but in a loving way. Remember show Christ love in all you do, even when you really want to just kick someone in the shin. Explain your feelings and work it out. It's much more helpful when you go to that person, instead of running your mouth to everyone and anyone (bless their hearts) that will listen to you rant. I mean I know I should take my own advice and handle some of my problem the same way and that's why I'm writing this for the world so people can see and maybe hold me accountable of doing so.

Anyways...let go of that negative energy. It's so not worth it. 

Beauty in the Breakdown

"Beauty in the Breakdown," I love this phrase. It has been used for countless songs, poetry and so forth. I feel that it is one of the truest statements ever stated. One of the most beautiful things I've ever seen is the realness in realizing that someone is broken and fragile.

When I was 16 I took part in an organization called Truth and Peace and on the stage of the Free Will Baptist Bible College my friend who was 15 at the time said, "Georgia you have to stop being plastic. You're not a Barbie." See I always have had the tendency of being completely happy inevery situation, even when I was falling apart on the inside. This isn't the way to live life. You might be "making everyone else happy" but you're killing yourself slowly. 

See as a world of sinful people, we are all broken but it's what people sees through the cracks that matters. Without Christ in our lives people see the emptiness we have through the cracks but if the love of Christ is being shown through our pain than even though we are broken we are beautiful. 

I've recently had coffee with the one person that I for years wished that I could be half the Christian that he was but in this one conversation I realized that he had problems just like I did. We were both struggling with the same tempations and have the same battles I was dealing with. So this whole time I would say I know I could be a better Chrisian if only I were like.... I should have asked myself I wonder what this person is struggling with but I still see Christ through them. That's really what I want. I want to be able to be broken but be beautiful. 

I want to use my heartbreak to better understand others. I mean I don't mean to just say that I "understand" like I mentioned in a previous blog but truly be able to relate with others. I may never go through what others have but I've been hurt and others have been hurt. And instead of always pretending that life is just dandy, understand that life is tough but we can all make it through. 

I feel like I'm rambling and I hate that because I'm very passionate about this subject so I'll probally come back to that but just remember to not be afraid of being broken and start showing the beauty instead of the emptiness on the inside. 

Stop Saying You Understand

Today I embarked on a new experience called ETEAM. I've always heard about it but have never been able to participate in it. I've loved every second of it so far. Getting to know different people from different places and different walks of life is something I thrive for. Every kid has a different story and I've caught my self numerous time saying the phrase, "I understand." When really, I have no clue at all!

Tonight especially I came in contact with a situation with a person that I care deeply for. This person is such an example of beauty at it's finest but unfortunately this person has been dealt some very sad cards. She's handled everything with poise and grace but tonight in my effort to comfort her I found myself saying once again, "I understand." ( Inside my head I'm thinking, "What the crap Georgia!?!? You have no idea what this person is going through!")

See I find that in the flaw in many Christians today when we try to comfort others. When a love one dies, someone loses a job, or is just suffering heart break, our initial reaction is to say " I understand" or " I completely know where you're coming from," when we've never ever ever been in that same situation. We use empathy when sympathy might be the more appropriate emotion to show people you care for them and care about what their going through. Instead of trying to imply that you have been through the same life experience you just give a hug, listen, sit there in silence, and maybe even cry with them. This can be alot more effective than saying anything at all. 

I'm not saying you shouldn't share life experiences but keep in mind that that person is hurting, and they just want to vent for the most part. However, in every relationship I've been in I've realized  that the more you invest in others life the more they will invest in yours. That's very very important to remember.

It's More Than Just Crackers and Grape Juice

So this is something that I've had written for a while...

So in my past 18 years of life I have been involved in dozens of communion services. I remember when I was little, I would sit in the pew while the juice tray came around and I would always eye the mini cup that I thought had the most juice in it. Also, with the cracker tray, before it even made it to me I would have already picked out the cracker that wasn’t broken and in my little eyes was perfect. At the time I never really looked for the deep, life changing meaning behind the grape juice and cracker that sat before me. I just saw a mini cup and a cracker that needed a little salt.

            This ceremony that I’ve sat through numerous times, never really took any affect on me until my freshman year at Free Will Baptist Bible College. Actually during the first month there, I went through three communion services. I had a feeling God might be trying to tell me something, but honestly, I didn’t really think too much about it. Until one day, when I looked at this state at the Catholic school I had stated working at and I saw it. I saw the pain on Jesus’ face. I saw his frail, broken body upon the cross. I saw his love for me pour out through his blood. Then it hit me and made me sick. It took me back to the times that I would sit in the pew in Red Bay, Alabama thinking, “Man these crackers are stale,” and “Why cant I have some more juice?” While I could blame it on my selfish childish ignorance (However, I’m still selfish, childish, and ignorant because yes, I’m human), I know that that’s what I’ve always thought.

            See, I’ve never had to go through any pain for anyone else, to say the very least. I’ve never died for anyone else (apparently). So to actually sit and think of the broken body that these stale crackers represented or the precious blood the mini cup of grape juice stood for makes me sick to my stomach. Jesus, the perfect sacrifice, went through so much torture and pain and finally laid down His life for someone as wicked and vile as me. I, myself, couldn’t imagine enduring a paper cut for my friend that would lie to me someday much less endure lashes with a whip of broken glass, stones, and bones, a crown of 2 inch in width thorns, and literally a “jab” to the side for billions of people that would neglect me and break my heart over and over again day after day.

            I’ve always just gone through the motions never really thinking twice about what the ceremony represented. There’s a song that we play during chapel a lot that goes:

“Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom.”

As I sit and reflect on this I think He could have came down off that cross and any time. He could have stopped the beatings in a second flat but He didn’t. It’s like if we were to put our hand into an open fire. It’s burning; pain goes shooting up through your entire body. You could pull your hand out at anytime, but you don’t because you’ve made a promise to those laughing at your pain and the ones that are pushing your hand farther into the flame. Sounds absolutely absurd, but that’s what “love” is. That’s what Jesus did for us, not only the professed Christians but also for the professed atheist. He died for us that claim to love him but also for those who claim to hate him or don’t believe in his existence. He went though one of the most painful was to die. Not to mention all of the humiliation he was put through, and to put on top of that it was a slow death. He suffered hours upon hours for people that would one day reject him.

            So next time when you sit in the pew and the communion tray is passed, don’t think of the stale crackers and the mini cups of juice. Think about the greatest act of love demonstrated for you even while you were a vile, filthy sinner. He suffered it all, for you. 

Trying to fit a square peg into a God shaped hole

So tonight while I was at the everso popular Kairos, I realized what I've been doing wrong for the past 19 years of my life. I'd been trying to fit a square peg into a God shaped hole. 

Now let me elaborate on this a little bit. I've been saved when I was seven during a revival, found my true salvation at the age of 16 during Truth and Peace and now 3 years later I've realized what I've been doing wrong all along. I've had this huge hole that has been the pit fall in my Christian walk. I continue stumbling in it day after day. I try to fill it with helping others, loving others, and even pretending to love myself. When all along I should be loving God and serving Him with all my efforts instead of trying to find a cheap replacement. 

Lately especially this has reigned true. I've been trying to find a companion and not find one at the same time. I've long for that boyfriend and even best friend that I can always depend on and that will always love me even when I'm unlovable. To say the least the person hasn't exsisted. I choose to either push them away or make their flaws huge. Instead of understanding that no one is perfect and no one is patient enough to always put up with my issues. God is the only one who can truly love the unlovable, be completely patient with the needy, and cling to someone even when we try to push away with all we have.

So instead of always running to our cheap imitations run to His word, run to your quite time and run to your prayer closet. This is something that I'm struggling with on the 10th degree. I'm a person who needs instant gratifacation so I tend to try to fit that square peg in this hole until it breaks because I put God as the last resort. Really I just need to stop being ignorant. Wake up and realize that nothing is ever going to fill this void, take away the lonliness and make me happy. Only one person can do that so I need to swallow my pride and fall down on my knees and do what I've should have done months ago. So I challenge all or the few that read this is to throw away all imitations and start using the right peg for this God shaped hole.

Thank you for reading and I wish you all sweet dreams.