Trying to fit a square peg into a God shaped hole

So tonight while I was at the everso popular Kairos, I realized what I've been doing wrong for the past 19 years of my life. I'd been trying to fit a square peg into a God shaped hole. 

Now let me elaborate on this a little bit. I've been saved when I was seven during a revival, found my true salvation at the age of 16 during Truth and Peace and now 3 years later I've realized what I've been doing wrong all along. I've had this huge hole that has been the pit fall in my Christian walk. I continue stumbling in it day after day. I try to fill it with helping others, loving others, and even pretending to love myself. When all along I should be loving God and serving Him with all my efforts instead of trying to find a cheap replacement. 

Lately especially this has reigned true. I've been trying to find a companion and not find one at the same time. I've long for that boyfriend and even best friend that I can always depend on and that will always love me even when I'm unlovable. To say the least the person hasn't exsisted. I choose to either push them away or make their flaws huge. Instead of understanding that no one is perfect and no one is patient enough to always put up with my issues. God is the only one who can truly love the unlovable, be completely patient with the needy, and cling to someone even when we try to push away with all we have.

So instead of always running to our cheap imitations run to His word, run to your quite time and run to your prayer closet. This is something that I'm struggling with on the 10th degree. I'm a person who needs instant gratifacation so I tend to try to fit that square peg in this hole until it breaks because I put God as the last resort. Really I just need to stop being ignorant. Wake up and realize that nothing is ever going to fill this void, take away the lonliness and make me happy. Only one person can do that so I need to swallow my pride and fall down on my knees and do what I've should have done months ago. So I challenge all or the few that read this is to throw away all imitations and start using the right peg for this God shaped hole.

Thank you for reading and I wish you all sweet dreams.