That Scary Word

Seems like everyone is having...SEX. yup. I said it. And yup, it's happening. Now I know this is a common thing that people say in high school but that's nothing compared to your early to mid 20s. No body is really having sex in high school. But now it seems like for real everyone is. And everyone is ok with it. 

However, I'm not. And I don't want to have sex. And I feel really alone in that...

Altruism

I really hate that most thoughts I have about God end with me being drenched in guilt. 

Why is it so important to associate God with guilt?

Did God die on the cross just to hold it over our heads forever? "Hey you should love Me. Look what I did for you?" Or did He die because he knew it was the only thing that could save us. He did it with no thought of what He would get in return. 

Fear of Falling

Right now I'm afraid of falling. Falling for a hopeless. What's a hopeless? Well I'm not saying that the person is hopeless. I believe he has all the potential in the world. I just am afraid he's lost all hope. In people, the world, himself. And he doesn't want to change. What does that mean for me? One who is in desperate need of hope. 

Hard

Being a Christian and dating is hard. Sometimes just being a Christian is hard. While I know I believe with my full heart, it's hard bringing that into my personal life. This is because every thought and thing I do I feel guilty for. I need help. I need guidance. I need something because the person I thought I was is slipping quickly through my fingers. 

Big Brother

And no I don't mean the government. I mean when my close gal pals start dating these guys who are douche bags. Sometimes I'm like, "Yeah, they're like my big brother." Because they usually treat me awful and it's the only way I can deal. Some I say that to because I feel like I'm losing my gal pal and it's my attempt to keep everyone close. Ugh, brother. 

Wasted

My life has been nothing but wasted opportunities. I hate the fact that God had a bigger plan and I effed it all up...

Love is in the Air

I've worked about 5 weddings now if not more and I just think about how wonderful it would be to fall and be in love again.