You Hold Me Now

Last night I attended a worship service called Sanctuary, this worship service is put on by Lipscomb students. While I was there I had a heavy burden on my heart. Then the song "You Hold Me Now" by Hillsong United was played. When the song entered the chorus an overwhelming feeling came over me.

No weeping

No hurt or pain

No suffering

You hold me now, You hold me now

I believe that the generation that I can proudly say I am part of is screaming the from the bottom of our broken hearts. We are a generation of broken families, broken hearts, and broken spirits. What we know is abandonment and abuse. We are crying out for love because we are lacking love from others, for others, and for ourselves.

Many people look at us as a whole and believe that we are too emotional and that we only relate to God when it's the music time of the service because it pulls at our heart strings. I beg to differ, being part of the generation and not just one studying us how we think. We are emotionally inept. We don't understand how to work out our emotions properly. We have come to learn to subdue how we feel, whether that be covered with substances or depression. We are begging to be held.

Maybe I'm the only one who thinks this, but as a person who is a young adult and have worked with teenagers for the past few years I don't think I am. I have seen why the tough guys put on a front, it's because that's all they know. I've seen the girl that has been hurt so many times give up or give in.

People wonder why we like the music portion of the worship service. It's because during that time we are for atleast a little while able to scream out and tell God how we feel, whether it be praise or pain we are able to yell at the top of our lungs to our Creator. Very reminiscent to Job cries to God. [ and yes I do understand that we are not blameless as Job was but I do know that we don't understand a lot that goes on in our lives ] Why did he leave? Why did she hurt me? Why do I feel this way? We are waiting for the moments that we can feel at peace with those questions.

I believe that people my age focus on God's steadfast love because we have no idea what that looks like. Who can or will love us through our mistakes? Because I guarantee we're going to make a lot of them. We are a culture that desires perfection. We are not perfect, only He is. He will loves us after we fail. He will hold us when we are broken. His steadfast love can take it. There are so many of us who are just like the children of Israel, trying to find something or anything besides God to hold them through the weeping and pain. But none of it will do. They will all leave us empty. Only in the arms of God are the only thing that can be our true refuge.

We are a generation that is love starved. We are in desperate need of a loving Father. That's why we raise our hands while we cry out in song. We are wanting Him to pick us up and hold us through our flaws and love us despite our imperfections. We just want to be held.

We already know that we are not perfect. Culture reminds us of that everyday. We're not "good/pretty/funny/smart" enough according to the world's standard. Even the most beautiful, most intelligent, "best" person still feels inadequate. That's because this world does not look at the heart, it only looks surface deep, but the Father looks at the heart and desires to mend all of its tears and cleanse every dirty spot.

I know that I'm probably off my rocker about this but I feel very passionate about the brokenhearted. I know that there is a Father that wants to take that pain away. [ Also yes I understand He is Holy, Sovereign, and Righteous but I just needed to take this moment and focus on His Love ] He loves us when we are unlovable and holds us when we are in pain.

Here's the song that inspired this ramble. Give it a listen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LX12vnPX60s

Hello Men Out There...This is for YOU!!

So this is a rant.

Please let me repeat...THIS IS A RANT. A rant against every boy/man/creep that has ever done me wrong or at least said something stupid. Ladies I hope you find empowerment by this and fellas I hope you learn from these big dummies mistakes and not to do the same to a sad love sick puppy like my self.

Now I will not mention names for I am too classy for that but the details I reveal will of course allow the guilty party know that they are them. (If of course they ever bother to read this...but I won't hold my breath.)

Ok apparently I have dated a lot of SPIRITUAL GODLY GOD GIVEN MEN. Becuase I have heard every excuse that God possibly could be blamed for.

DON'T BLAME GOD FOR THINGS THAT HE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH!

"Georgia...I'm just not spiritually ready for this relationship."

- Oh really because you must have been spiritually set when you thought we could just make out at that Drive In the night before I left, or when you talked about the names of our children. Wow...how a FRIGGIN' WEEK can change things. If your going to say you're not "SPIRITUALLY READY" maybe you should think about that before you try to make out with me every chance you got ok? Thanks. Hope all is well in Texas. Hope you have some beautiful blonde BARBIE that you're being SPIRITUAL with.

"Georgia you have a big heart for people. You make me want to be a better person."
(3 months later) "Georgia you are selfish, prideful and not spiritually edifying"

- Dear preacher man, this statement has CONTROLLED my life for the past year and a half. I believed that crap you told me for the longest. I wanted to commit suicide and I started counseling. The counseling helped but the damage was deep because you knew every inch of me...literally. (NO READERS WE DID NOT HAVE SEX...because I wouldn't let it) Oh preacher man you wanna disagree...well how about those nights that I was crying to you saying I didn't want to make out anymore because I was afraid it would go to far but no you pushed and pushed the boundaries. Now don't get me wrong I've forgiven you and put a nail in that coffin but for the sake of this beautiful blog your example was necessary. Oh and just because you delete me from Facebook and pretend I don't exist doesn't mean I'm not here. I wanna thank you for those words that almost destroyed me because they made me come back stronger and better than ever. The Lord used what you meant for evil and made something beautiful from it.

Healing, Hope or Hurt?

So recently I have encountered several people who have expressed to me that they have been wounded by the church. To hear this kind of sounds like an oxymoron. The church is a place where a person should find healing, hope, help...not hurt?

I have recently been burdened with the thoughts of why is this a common consensus among teenagers and young adults. Is it because they were raised in a much to strict "Christian" home and so now is their time to rebel? Is it because at church these "Christians" judged them and isolated them and so there was never a connection or comfort found there? Maybe they have always been unbelievers and instead of being inviting and loving them past that they were hateful and excluded them? I do not know what the answer is for everyone but I am just so sick of this. I am sick of the excuses. I am sick of these "Christians". I am just sick of it all! I am sick of being at church and instead of worshipping I see teens who were forced to be at church and instead of enjoying the opportunity to stand in awe of their creator and praise Him, they would rather text some boy who will not be around in a few years or think about what is for dinner or what am I going to do when service is over. What is this people? Please understand I am guilty of all of these things. That is why I am enraged. I am mad at myself for cheapening something so precious. Being a member of the body of Christ has called us to something much greater than Facebook updates or Taco Bell after service. We are the "chosen generation". Think about that. The CHOSEN GENERATION! The Creator of all things...every freckle on your face, every fish in the sea, every star in the sky...He chose us to live in this time period for a reason!!! I remember talking to my mom and grandma and thinking that, "Man, I wish life was that easy now." But that's it...they were chosen to live then and I've been chosen to live now. When being a Christian is NOT easy, when the church is constantly being ridiculed, when families have been ripped apart by so many elements of this secular. I (and you) have been chosen to live in this time for a reason! That reason? To be a light for Christ in this cold and dark world. Depression is high, economy is low...who will show love in this era? YOU!!! It is such a HUGE calling but God has blessed us with this opportunity to do something with it! Be different! Be the change.

I am sick of kids who have been brought up in the church their whole lives and when they enter high school they are still wanting to be fed by the church. They are still consumers instead of giving back. (Again, let me remind you...I AM TOTALLY GUILTY OF THIS.) We have been given the tools as kids and in high school, college, you first job work place is the best mission field we could ask for at this time. So we cannot just go with the flow. We cannot just fly under the radar. We are called to be different! To be bigger and better than the norm!

Ultimately, I am ready for the bride of Christ to fall back in love. I want there to be a revolution of teenagers, young adults, old adults to fall DEEPLY, MADLY in love with Jesus. I have been to so many different worship services in so many different churches and I see everyone go through the motions. They read the words on the screen but they do not let it effect their heart. They just sing them then sit. Well lets put you at your favorite concert or favorite sports team game. I bet you are jumping, dancing, raising your hands, yelling, anything to show that you are such a fan! I have seen so many teenagers (that I know dance) stand half asleep during worship songs at church. And do not think I am saying we need to have a rave in the middle of church but I am saying that if your heart is not in it. Do not sing the words. In songs like Indescribable the lyric, "You know the depths of my heart but You love me the same," and in How He Loves Us, the words in these worship songs and hymnals are way to powerful to sing without complete and utter conviction! This is to important guys! And trust me I know and relate with those of you who say "we sing them all the time". I mean I sing the Doxology every single day of my life but recently I got to see a group of people who never sing it, lift that praise up to God and it kicked me in the face! I am so glad it did too!

I just think that people would stop being "hurt" by the church if we, THE CHURCH, would fall back in love with our Kinsman Redeemer. We worship, serve, live for a God who loved us so much, how can we not pass it on. WAKE UP CHURCH! People out there are living life without knowing, feeling, understanding the love of God and we have been called to show them! Yea, we really have! Because to whom much is given much is required! WAKE UP! This is tooo important to just let it pass by. We have a Savior who loves us past all our crap that we try to hide from the world. You know the dark and dirty stuff you do not want anyone to see, ESPECIALLY God. (Well tough luck, HE ALREADY KNOWS and HE loves us anyways) Is that not crazy to think of how our Lord, who is perfect, sinless, holy, sovereign, righteous loves us so much He sent His only Son to DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH, A PAINFUL, A BLOODY, A HUMILIATING DEATH for us even though He hates sin and He knew we would do it anyways. He knew that there would be days that we would stray and not love Him. HE DID IT ANYWAYS! CHURCH WAKE UP! GEORGIA WAKE UP!!!! Let go of those guards, shields, walls, masks that you are hiding behind because the truth is we are ALL filthy rags without the GRACE AND MERCY OF GOD! We deserve HELL BUT HE GAVE US HEAVEN!!!! Let's live it out guys! Let's praise Him! Let's be the bride He is waiting to receive! Ah...HIS WOUNDS HAVE PAID OUR RANSOM! Let's go tell some people that! Let's be fanatic about God! Let's love Him and give Him the time we give FACEBOOK, TV, MOVIES, SPORTS, TEXTING! Let's give it all to Him! Give Him your HURT, SHAME, GUILT, DIRTY DEEP SIN! Let Him take it away. Because we do not have time to maintain this regret when we think about HOW HE LOVES US! Stop condemning, Start loving. Because that person you cannot stand, that you think is so far gone. GOD LOVES THEM JUST AS MUCH AS HE LOVES YOU!!! You are no better (and no worse). So stop comparing yourself to others and start comparing yourself to God!!!! That's the only thing we can compare ourselves to. He made no junk! He made you, so stop thinking your junk, stop thinking someone else is junk! Because we all come from the same mold. We are all made out of His image. So let's start reflecting it adequately. I know we can do it!

This rant has gone on too long, but I had an awakening last night. I knew all my flaws. More than anything I want them gone out of my life and I hope maybe my flaws can encourage you guys to let go of yours! God is good. God is love. Love one another as He has loved us!

When in Doubt...Have Faith.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal;a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh;a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose;a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew;a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate;a time for war, and a time for peace.

When my heart hurts I must know that God is looking out for me. He knew it was coming and He was ready to catch me when I fall.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

He loves me, He loves you, so much! He wants your wildest dreams to come true. He is writing your fairy tale because He is your prince. Don't question He's timing or means on getting there. Because they will blow your expectations out of the water.

Pslam 37:4

Delight yourself in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

That is truly what He wants to give you. However, He will also transform your desires to be His desires for you. (Trust me they are way better than your own.)

I hope someone may find comfort in this. I know I did.

Your girl on a mission to find/be something amazing,
Georgia

The Most Adult Thing I've Ever Done

So we begin 2010 and I've made a couple of promises to myself. I'm finished allowing other people regulating how I feel about my self. I know that I'm not perfect and I have A LOT of flaws but I'm done letting people making me feel less than what I am. I'm trying so hard to change from the selfish and prideful self and I'm seeing (and others) are seeing progress in my growth. So I can't let people keep bringing up who I was and where I've failed. I'm not that person any longer, nor do I ever want to return to that girl. I am a young lady with big dreams. I have seen my failures, short comings, and mistakes. If my Savior can forgive me, I must forgive myself and not allow a person[s] make me feel like all my hard work is a waste. Because I am getting better. I am nor will I ever be who I was! I guarantee you this.

Happy New Year!
Happy New Self (Finally)!

God's Chisel

God's Chisel. Wow. Truth slapped me in the face.

The Who

So this past summer I did a little self-evaluation. Through this I found who I am, who I want to be, and who I want to be with one day.

This is who I am. I am a woman who is earnestly seeking the heart of God. I truly want to be a girl that for a guy to seek my heart, he must first seek Christ's. I know I have flaws, but I want to constantly improve on my imperfections. I want someone that loves me for who I am yet encourages me to be the best woman I can be. I want my heart to be the center of my beauty. I want to be a vessel that is broken so that Christ can be seen through me. I want to be an encourager to all of those around me.

To go with what I want to do and be I also want this for myself. I want a strong spiritual leader. I was a man, who believes that I am his and while I am submissive to him I am still an intellect equal. I want someone who challenges my thinking. I want to talk about weighty matters, philosophy, theology, emotions and why they are so. I want to be the only person that the person notices when I enter the room. I want them to find me beautiful and desire to seek my heart everyday. I want to be treated like a princess, at the same time I want to grow into a lady deserving of being treated so.

I want my relationship to completely be focused on the happiness on my partners happiness, in turn I want them to be completely focused on mine as well. With this I don't see how either of us could be unhappy. I believe in 1 Corinthians 13 when it says that "love is not self seeking." I believe that love is a team effort. Each party must be willing to put equal amounts of effort into the relationship. Before I have taken this for granted. Love is selfless, a person must be completely willing to put the other before their self. This is love, a sacrificial love.

I want a man who is a leader. Whether is be of a congregation, class room, youth group...Just a man that is willing to lead and serve. As I have a passion to lead and serve I think that the man I am to be with might have the same passion. This leader must be a compassionate one, a heart that is more than willing to love others. This is an important aspect in a good leader and man. I guess a Christ like leader. I want me and whoever I am with to strive together to build each other up in being better Christians. I want to be my partners accountability partner with their devotions and everything they he may struggle with. I want to be his encourager in every way possible. Whether it be as a ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, or just a heart to love. This is what I want to be for them. However, I do want the same for me as well. All in all I assume I want a strong Christ like heart in a man.

This may sound like a advertisement for myself. It's not. I've come to grips that God may have called me to not just limit all my love to one man and just expand it to children all over the world. Which both are wonderful journeys that I'm more than excited to take. I just believe that love is something God has given me to share and I want to do so to the fullest.

I guess I write this because lately most guys I have met that are interested in me don't truly understand what they are getting in to. There's so much for a person, even as a loyal friend, need to know about me. Even the one's that assume that they know me the best don't completely know me. I'm saving that for the one I can completely trust. Whether or not they even come through my lifetime. However, it's saved away. These are just some of the basics of what I believe I deserve and also what my partner deserves.

I feel like there's more that I could expound upon, however I would have to assume you would care to know. If you do ask. If you don't I understand. Thanks for reading my thoughts either way.